‘We really try to not go there. But I think we need to go there’: Grief library provides resources, support

Every New Year’s Day at 3 a.m., when many people are either drunk or sleeping, Alyssa Warmland, an artist and activist based in Port Hope, Ont., takes a moment to remember her mother.

“It’s kind of a special time for me to pause,” she told CTVNews.ca. “I usually like to wander off and spend a little time alone.”

Warmland’s mother died from cancer on Jan. 1, 2007 — at 3 a.m., in a hospice in Burlington, Ont.

“New Year’s [Day], for me, is forever a grief time,” Warmland said. “It’s been a long time now, and I still really, really miss her on holidays.”

For many others like Warmland, New Year’s Day is marked by annual grief that’s hidden beneath a cloak of customary celebration — which often makes emotional turmoil harder to reconcile.

“The thing about the holidays and death is that everything’s a reminder, right?” she said. “Like, you can’t escape the holidays, you can’t go into the store without there being festive songs on the PA system. You can’t go anywhere without there being decorations on the street outside of my apartment. There’s always constant reminders.”

Warmland’s pain is complicated by other tragedies. Years after losing her mother, she had three miscarriages within the span of 12 months. It put her in a dark place, she said.

“During all this time, I was doing a lot of writing. And a lot of reprocessing my grief about my mom,” she said.

Through exploring means of artistically expressing her pain, and working with various charity organizations, Warmland encountered Grief Stories, a multi-media support website that offers a wide range of content for people experiencing grief. The non-profit organization provides short videos, podcasts and blog posts that aim to inform and unify grievers during difficult times. All content is vetted by health-care experts.

According to the website, Grief Stories offers “a range of resources to help grievers explore and express their own grief stories, and to connect with the stories of others, making them feel less alone.”

“Privately accessible anywhere, anytime, this library is a community health resource for people facing grief and loneliness,” the “About” page reads.

Grief Stories was started by a Toronto filmmaker named Sean Danby, whose wife died from breast cancer in 2012. After losing her, Danby would often lie awake late at night, staring at the ceiling, questioning her death and his own life. Turning to his tablet for videos that could make him feel less alone, he found a lack of content. He decided to build a database of stories that could give people — like Warmland — have resources to turn to when most people are sleeping.

Warmland is now the executive director of Grief Stories, helping cater content to specific types of grief — whether it’s the death of a parent or death of a child, she explained.

“We also have sections on suicide loss, and losing people to drug poisoning and overdose. We recently have just been working on a section for people with intellectual disabilities, which I’m really proud of, because there really isn’t a lot of content [on that].”

Warmland, who is now a mother of a three-year-old son, is also working on curating content for people who have lost loved ones to drug overdose during the pandemic.

To her, Grief Stories is an antidote to a culture that avoids talking about death.

“[Culturally], we really try to not go there. But I think we need to go there. For me, Grief Stories has allowed me to get comfortable talking about grief and making the time and space for just sitting with [it],” she said.

“Everyone has a unique story. And everyone has a way that they’re surviving.”